Sunday, December 23, 2012

CHRISTmas for Christians

Can we give Christmas back to the Christians already? Now, it's been a while since I had to attend any type of Mass and a lot longer since any sort of bible study class; so pardon any sweeping generalizations or slight misquotations, but if there is one thing about JC I think I understand. It is that his idea was that his exact words are not what's important when held in comparison to the overall message.

Christmas seems to represent the worst aspects of the Christian faith, that's why I really want to give them their holy-day back.

But why say such hateful, terrible things about this day?

Well, for starters it's not even on Christ's birthday! The date was moved closer to the winter solstice to make the holiday and religion more accommodating to the heathen hordes comprising those damned pegans (Druids and nonbelievers for you historically accurate nit-pickers) of the British isles.

I mean, nothing is more pious or respectful than moving the date of birth of the human incarnation of your lord and savior for the sake of a popularity contest.... right?

Also, if one is really celebrating someone else's birthday shouldn't you then be inclined to celebrate that person's life/ message/ values rather than those of a triad of nobility who barely even met the dude? Cuz, if I remember JC was a rather strict immaterialist and pacifist... but I admit I could be wrong...

So, why then do we (at least in the religiously tolerant U.S.A.) base this day around the actions of people who show up in the story of JC, rather than JC himself? I thought it was the three kings who brought lavish and useless gifts to the manger instead of more practical items like food, a warm blanket or an offer to put the family (the new born, mother who just gave birth, & broke as the dirt they were sleeping on father) up in an inn for a while - I mean they were THREE KINGS after all, so it's not like they couldn't afford a modest room for a few nights....

I don't know if any of you have ever had to sleep on the street or under an overpass or a barn, but it is not a comfy (nor not-terrifying) way to spend a night, so even the most flea-bitten, rat-shit version of a Motel 6 looks like a month in the penthouse suit of a Las Vegas Strip hotel like the MGM Grand...


So, back to my point, the forced materialism that has become this season sickens even the most hardened and practiced consumer in me...

Kinda like the wars in Iraq & Afghanistan... If the time, labor, and resources that were spent during the holiday season on useless crap and sugary and fatty foodstuffs were actually applied in a responsible and humanitarian manners... this nation could house, feed, and give medical care and vocational training to most (if not all) its homeless...
...but I'm just a whiny agnostic feeling pushed into celebrating a religion I do not practice, so what the fuck to I know about the x-mas spirit? I mean, one of the best Christmases I ever spent was and all-day escape in a bar - laughing, being merry, buying drinks for new-found friends, watching two girls play strip pool and generally having a very merry XXX-mas...

After all, these silly things like joy, brotherly love, immaterialism, community spirit and non-judgement have no place in these dark and depressing days of winter... oh wait.

So, this week if you find yourself feeling a little queazy while waiting in line at the mall, or overstuffed from gorging on goose, or subjected to myopic and antiquated opinions of family you're not sure you are actually related to...

Ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?" (case in point, Google Image search "what would jesus do."
It took me quite some looking to find a non-violent image, let alone one that began to depict any sort of morality of his actual message. If there is a hell, i think this my be it, if you want proof -in the wake of the Newtown, CT massacre- Google Image search "Republican Jesus," HOLY SHIT!!!)

Seriously though, read your bible (or the updated version the Koran, same basic message, just roughly 700 years more contemporary and more pious), and ask yourself, "What would the real Jesus do?"

Then, politely excuse yourself from whatever gluttonous, greedy, prideful, envious, or sloth-like activity you are feeling obligated to partake in...
and if you really are of the CHRISTian creed, get up and go do something that will actually may you feel good about yourself as well as maybe help someone else too... ya know, like put on your boots and mittens, find your local Habitat for Humanity, and go pound some nails so that someone less fortunate can have a place to sleep - out, away from directly under the stars and the icy weight of winter weather... go be a homebuilder for just one day, even if isn't really the birthday of some other slightly more famous carpenter.


Happy Holidays. 

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