Thursday, May 9, 2013

illusion of individuality pt. 1


Civilization is broken.
It served its purpose and got us out of the trees, damp caves, and wandering tribes but now it appears to be aimed at returning us to a disjointed and aimless hardscrabble existence.
A global situation has arisen where my very existence is dire peril, and do to the structure of this society, its priorities, and its values I am helpless to intervene on my behalf. My great dilemma is that I am stuck at a period of time when my species is choosing to ignore what little it understands about the workings of the universe. A premium has been placed on immediate and fleeting forms of self-gratification, with no legitimate nor comprehensive concern for much beyond the current day’s horizon line to the great detriment of all life on Earth.

It would seem that nothing I could do would change anything in a productive manner. Sure I could try and influence humanity and steer it towards making positive changes, but I’ve never been able to satisfyingly “get through to” more than five or six people over the past fifteen years. I don’t plan to fool myself with delusions of grandeur that I will ever reach a larger audience who will not only understand but who will also partake in some meaningful action to the same tune as my message.

Conversely, I could attempt to impact humanity in a “negative” manner in order to try and save the rest of life on Earth from the self-and-all-devouring scourge that is the human race. Theoretically this could be achieved via extreme eco-terrorism such as attempting to cover Antarctic ice with dark soil with the intent to accelerate melting in order to flood coastal cities, or detonate a nuclear device at the upriver base of any one of the world’s great damns such as the Aswan, Atatürk Dam, Three Gorges, Sanmenxia, or Grand Coulie, creating a wall of radioactive water that could flatten any communities downstream. In this way there is nothing short of targeting and reducing the human race and all of its industries that could potentially starve off the likes of an ecological disaster as dramatic as the Crimean Extinction…

I am a refugee from that crisis that is humanity.  Along the years I have endeavored in schools, locations, employments, relationships, deviances, chemicals and the arts. All these actions serve the common goal of relieving the debilitating sensation of “I’m on the outside, looking in.”[i]
So, “Shall I begin like David Copperfield; I was born, I grew up... or should I began with when I was born into darkness?”[ii] That painful and degrading baptism consisting of the series of events in life when one notices how in most institutions of civilization there is something that just doesn’t add up.  So to mimic the path of insight traveling through memory, let’s do this like the plot of a Tarantino flick or a tale tailored around time travel that begins in the middle, then jumps around to piece together and reveal a larger picture.
[i] Dave Specter, “I'm On The Outside Looking In” Disc 2: Midnight Blues, Various - The Blues Box. 1994.
[ii] Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, VHS, directed by Neil Jordan (1994; Burbank, CA: Warner Home Video, 1996.).

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